Graduation Days
Thirty-five years ago this week, I walked across the stage, one step ahead of my new wife, to collect my diploma from the University of Tennessee. A married man of five months, I was proud to have accomplished enough to get a degree, but prouder of the fact that I was sharing my last name with my best friend. It was an exciting day.
And well it should have been. Completing college was a big accomplishment for me; and my parents were beaming with pride to see their first child pass through the halls of old UT with something that they had never had the chance to get, a college degree. I often think about the feelings I felt in those formative years with gratitude for all the sacrifices made by mom and dad; they gave me a chance to go to college. It was a special gift, and I will be forever grateful.
Setting aside my appreciation for my parents, the most dominant reflection I have of that time was my sense of excitement, uncertainty, and fear. I knew the world was opening to me, and I truly believed anything was possible. There was the anticipation of moving, a new job, and earning money to support myself. I was growing up, and fast. It was so exciting. Call it anticipatory anxiety, in a good way. I was eager to get up in the morning and open to learning new things, trying new things, leaning into every day, and finding my way. Admittedly, I was probably a bit cocky, but I also knew I didn’t know very much; and I was okay with that. It was an enormously fun time in my life.
Lately, I have been wondering how today’s graduates feel; I don’t know, as I do not have a direct relationship with anyone who is currently graduating. However, there has been a fair amount of coverage in the media chronicling this year’s graduating class. And why not? If they followed the typical four-year track to graduate, that means they would have graduated from high school at the peak of the pandemic. As they finished high school, they had little or no celebrations and likely didn’t enjoy anything a typical senior would have experienced. Further, their first year in college was likely altered. Simply put, their transition years have been a challenge.
So, I wonder, do they have the same level of enthusiasm as I did thirty-five years ago? I somehow doubt it. Students today have a much higher college debt burden than previously, their prospects for employment are harder, and they grew up in a world saddled with expectations to match the lifestyle they have watched their parents live. This is different than what their parents likely faced. Think about it, for me and most people like me, I was paving new ground, and my accomplishments were an example of what my parents wanted; for me to have a better life than they did. Today, I would argue there has been too much analysis about Gen Z and how “messed” up they are. Maybe there is some truth to that, but they are entering a very different environment than their parents did. I don’t know if they see past this month’s graduations with the same feelings I had. I hope they do, but I have my doubts.
I am reminded of the spring of 2005 when I was fortunate to be asked to give the commencement address at the UT College of Business graduation. I didn’t know then, and I don’t know now, why they asked me, and frankly, after hearing my speech they probably were wondering the same thing. Like many public speaking engagements I have done over the years, I don’t remember much about what I said. I do remember however the general theme. I shared with the graduates that life ultimately was about choices and the choices we make determine what happens. I encouraged them to find comfort in their choices and accept what those choices provided. It was a solid message, I guess, and it seemed to go over well. But I think if I had it to do over, I would deliver a different thought.
After a few more years of experience and facing a future that will bring some change in my career, I would point out that yes choices direct your life, but your life will also meander in ways that are beyond your control. Placing too much emphasis on the importance of your choices and pressure on trying to chase the dream life opens you up for disappointment and more importantly a lifetime with both big and small regrets. And regrets are toxic.
When I consider my life, I can spend days reliving moments or decisions I regret. It can lead to wishing I could transport myself back to that sunny Saturday in May of 1989. Maybe I could redo what went wrong and my life would be better or easier. We have all heard the refrain, “I wish I knew then what I know now.” Sure, that might be great, but it would take away from the thrill I felt when I didn’t know much and had a lifetime of mistakes and learning ahead of me.
I don’t want to go back in time. I want to recapture the feeling I had when the chancellor handed me a blank sheet of paper and pretended it was my diploma. I want to wake up proud of what I have accomplished, but more to the point, I want to be excited, and a little unsure of what is coming. I want to feel a sense of confidence knowing I can figure out whatever I face.
Getting older makes you more cautious and that is understandable, but does it have to take away your spark for anticipatory anxiety? I don’t think it does, at least for me, not yet.
I don’t want to think I am retiring soon; I want to think I am graduating from my past phase and starting something completely unknown to me. I want to feel vulnerable, and capable all at the same time. I want to recapture and repeat my youthful enthusiasm. And maybe I won’t be so reckless, but I can be fearless.
I doubt I will ever speak to a large group of graduates again, and that is fine. If I do, I will tell them to slow down and internalize how they feel and to bottle that feeling for a later day. I would tell them I hope that when they feel “grown up normal” they can instead graduate from that feeling and explore the unknown, and the gift of moving into the next stage of life.
Congrats to all the graduates, the young ones, and the more mature ones.
