Who are They?
In the 2002 release of “Who are They”, Tim McGraw laments some unknown group who are telling him what to do, how to talk, and what to believe. He is putting music to a common refrain that suggests some outside force is offering a better way forward; and we should all follow their counsel. That was more than 20 years ago, but from my cheap seat, it seems like the willingness of people to cite the proverbial “they” has grown exponentially, and the expectation we accept their rules has followed suit. I see no end in sight.
Two nights ago, I was trying to relax and unwind before I fell asleep. After quickly rolling through the channel guide, I settled on HGTV’s House Hunters. I couldn’t imagine anything on this show, other than an annoying couple, causing me any bother; I was seeking mindless entertainment, and that is what I got. For the most part.
I was almost asleep and then I heard it. As the real estate agent was showing the episode’s guests a potential home, she led them into a room and nonchalantly called it the primary room. She didn’t call it the master room. Did I hear that right? Could a decision have been made that the show and its guests could no longer refer to the master room in any other way than to call it the primary room? Could it be this was a thing? I sat rapt for the next two hours as I watched three more episodes seeking to confirm I heard it right. As I saw this experience repeat itself, my mind was wondering; how could calling it the master room be a problem.
I am embarrassed to say I invested some energy in this; I wanted to understand the logic behind this shift. Afterall, I believe there have been words and phrases that have been used historically that have caused pain and no longer have a place in our society. I am not a neanderthal who always yearns for the good old days, to hell with what that means; I want progress for all. But I also think this need to protect everyone from everything that might offend them seems misguided.
If someone wants to find a way to be offended, there are no shortage of things that can be claimed to be offensive or harmful. There are roughly 170,000 words currently used in the English language; another 47,00 words no longer are spoken and are considered obsolete. Thats a lot of words, never mind all the interpretations of what a word means or stands for. It leaves wide open the opportunity for words and their meaning to be hijacked.
No matter how hard I tried, I struggled to figure out what the problem was; so, I did some quick searches to see the source of this “problem” word. What I found was that to some, the word master has sexist and racial overtones and therefore, the theory goes that making the change could help change some people’s view of the traditional phrase. As the Property Specialist website claims “Words have power, and if changing terms can bring on that positive change, then using the primary bedroom is worth a try.” Now educated on the subject, I concluded; I still don’t get it.
I have owned homes for almost 40 years and in every house, we have had a master bedroom; and at no time did it have any other meaning than it was where me and my wife slept. There wasn’t an implied dominance or alternative meaning, it was our room and we wanted it to be nice. Changing what we called it would have changed nothing because nothing needed to be changed. It wasn’t influencing us, nor anyone else.
I guess what I am asking is where does it end? Does calling it the primary room solve anything? Won’t we reach a point where we recognize that calling it the primary room suggests there is a secondary room and the people who sleep in that room are subservient to the primary dwellers? Won’t we be hurting our kid’s person? I know I am being silly, but this seems equally silly.
Do we really believe altering this word will reduce sexism or racism? Are people so naïve to believe that a simple solution like changing what we call a room will make any difference whatsoever? It likely only diminishes the real problem by suggesting that people who use the phrase master bedroom are somehow insensitive and not able to appreciate the evolving world.
It is true there are unlimited ways to be offended, there are also unlimited ways to feel guilt. Is it helpful to suggest to someone who doesn’t describe a room in their house the proper way, that they are contributing to either sexism or racism? Are we to be judged as a failure if we fail to stay current on all the seemingly harmless words that are now deemed to be harmful. Is this really the way for our society to become more welcoming?
I strongly believe a society should strive to abolish sexism and racism; and I think most people hold that view. What people like me struggle with is how we are being asked to make the world a better place. Giving words the average person uses a meaning that doesn’t match how they intend it, and then telling them they must stop saying that word isn’t going to do anything other than obscure the underlying problem and drive good people away.
When I decided to write a twice a week column, I promised to pose questions that come from my random thoughts. I also said I would try to create topics that would cause readers to think. I didn’t assume anything beyond that meager goal. I remain hopeful these missives challenge people to reflect and ask thoughtful questions, with no agenda and with some modest pursuit of the truth.
I have thought about this for a day or so and can only offer the following: if someone says master bedroom and they mean that to have sexist or racist overtones, then they have bigger problems than can be solved by changing a word. What I am saying is it doesn’t feel like the problem is with someone using the word harmlessly, the problem rests with the person who conflates the word to internalize offense when none is intended.
I admit this is a small thing to spend time thinking about; and that is exactly the point. For this to have become a thing someone or a group had to begin to say this was a problem. The real estate industry had to consider this and determine this change was valuable, and HGTV had to invest energy and time to decide to follow suit and ensure that each future production and guest complied with the “new” guidelines. That’s a lot of time and resources focused on changing a word, in the hope it will impact a real issue.
I would hope in the future, those who are passionate about solving big problems like sexism and racism will seek solutions that matter; even if it is hard, and not flippantly conclude that you can impact big problems by changing a word.
Like Tim McGraw, I don’t know who they are; and it doesn’t really matter. And, in my view, neither does changing the description of where I sleep from master to primary.
