The Worry Wart

I come from a long line of worriers, on both sides of my family tree.  Mom would worry something was wrong if she couldn’t think of anything to worry about.  Dad would worry me, and everyone in his realm, to death worrying about every little thing.  The level of topics he worried about was impressive, it was also annoying.  For example, he was obsessed with being early and would drive our family crazy with his obsession.  Frankly, I came to my tendency to worry honestly, and it has influenced me my whole life.

Maybe I am better than I used to be, but I have historically matched my mom and dad with my intensity to control and worry about what can go wrong; I guess I still do.  I worry about my kids, they’re thirty and thirty-three and doing great but that doesn’t stop a parent from worrying.  That will likely never change and I’m not sure I want that to change.  I worry about my wife; we have been together thirty-five years and are destined to be together to the end.  With that much history and commitment it is only natural for me to worry about her well-being.  God knows I worry about the company I am involved with.  I have a lot invested in the business, and it is important to me, but I wonder if it has an outsized impact on me.  My historical need to be a pleaser leads me to constantly communicate with shareholders; many of which are great, but many are nothing more than a time sink.  It isn’t healthy for me, and I am not sure I provide much value to them.   

I also worry about things I have no control over.  I worry about our country.  The US has faced many challenges and always comes out stronger.  However, in the past, we have thrived on the backs of great leaders.  Do we have that now?  In my humble opinion, no.  It feels like we are in a sword fight with a toothpick.  I worry about the small fringe of our society who are so entrenched in their beliefs that they are seemingly lost to reality.  They believe they are fighting for their cause and have concluded the only way they win is if the other side mortally loses.  It is like two bull elk fighting over the dominance in the herd.  In this case, their antlers appear to be locked with little hope of freeing themselves.  If they can’t break loose from the fight, they will both die. 

I worry about the weather; the odds of being in a severe dangerous storm are low, but I worry when there is severe weather watch is posted.  I worry about whether the food I ordered will be delivered in a timely fashion, I worry about damn near everything.

But it feels like it is time to consider another way.  I know it is very hard to change, but why not try?  As I have thought about this, it seems there are two distinctly different alternatives.  One approach could be the opposite of a lifetime of worry and that is never worrying about anything.  We all know people like this.  They seem to go through life oblivious to any concerns or threats.  Call it laissez faire; really no need to interfere; it will all work out.   I don’t know, maybe it does and maybe their carefree attitude means greater happiness; people like this seem to have fun and, at times, are the envy of those around them.  Even though it seems fun, I have tried to chill and not care, but I am not built that way and I suspect no amount of focus will change my DNA.  I am who I am.

The other approach for less worrying is to find peace in knowing that you can’t control everything and that is okay.  This feels like an idea I can pursue.  To be sure, there are certain things I will never stop worrying about and want to do everything in my power to influence.  Honestly, that makes me happy.  But I also think I could find additional happiness if I learn to control my emotions and find peace in circumstances that used to cause anxiety. 

I have been thinking about the wisdom of the “serenity prayer,” “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  A very powerful sentiment. Not easy to practice, but I think doable. 

In my experience as people get older, they start to reflect on lots of things.  Part of the rationale for this column is to suggest that readers think about their life and consider other ideas.  When I write about a subject, it is because I have been thinking about it and have drawn some modest conclusion, I think, worthy of putting out there for readers to consider. 

I am ready to find more peace.  I don’t believe that comes with a sudden shift in my personality that will allow me to play golf when I hear thunder off in the distance, or swim on a beach when there are caution flags warning of a greater risk for rip tides.  I am just not built that way.  I can, however, remind myself of the “serenity prayer” and seek comfort in not worrying about things I cannot change.

We have a presidential election this fall with two very, very, flawed candidates.  You could easily argue that neither of them will be good for our country; and yet, there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.  I must accept reality. 

This newfound focus feels like a progressive work in progress.  Mom and dad left me firmly entrenched in the worry camp; I will forever reside in that mindset, and guess what, I am okay with that.  Why worry about it? 

It seems to me, humans are granted many blessings; we can love, learn, laugh, and we can experience peace.  What a gift we have received.    

I will likely always be a worry wart to my family, and they accept that.  But I can also spend the remainder of my days free from worrying about what I can’t control and accepting the peace that comes from it.