The Answer Must Be Better Than That

I was recently at an event that was a mixture of “mature” business professionals and soon-to-be college graduates. As you might imagine, there were plenty of eager young people seeking to be noticed and hoping for a connection or introduction to someone who might help them get a leg up on their career. I don’t blame them; I was once in their shoes and keenly aware that the people I was around would either help or hurt my future endeavors.

After several minutes of chatting, a small group of students gathered around various accomplished leaders for more intimate discussions. I was standing next to a very recognized, successful businessperson and was interested to see how he reacted to the small throng of young people who wanted to talk to him. Almost immediately one of the future graduates asked him what his secret to success was. His answer was anything but concise. He droned on for minutes about himself, what he had done, told anecdotal stories he thought were funny; it was gross. He would have been better served to have quoted Mark Twain, who famously said, “I was born modest, but it didn’t last.”

Maybe his version of the road to success is right, hard to say. It is his story and who am I to question that. However, I felt bad for the students. There didn’t appear to be anything they heard that was useful.

Before you think, I am going to offer advice on how to define the secret to a successful career, don’t worry; it’s not a question I know how to answer, nor do I feel comfortable trying to offer insights. What I can do here, and often do privately, is reflect on other successful people I have observed give counsel regarding their professional life and career.

I am reminded of one of the smartest people I ever met. I was with him in a private setting with a group of fledgling entrepreneurs when he was asked to give his advice and any secrets he had learned in his career. He didn’t immediately respond with a brilliant answer or a small speech. Rather, he began to ask the group questions. He dug into their thinking, their goals, how they were approaching things. His level of curiosity was impressive, and it was sincere. I think he really wanted to understand who they were and what they were thinking. This went on for an extended period and I don’t think the small group noticed he hadn’t answered anything about himself or his success. And yet, he was teaching them about how he had found success. He was underscoring the best way to get smart is to seek information. As his questions winded down he subtly said, “I find it helpful to never assume I know anything. Keeps me from being stupid.” There was, and is nothing, stupid about him. What a great lesson, the more you question, the smarter you get.

I admit I fail at this a lot; it is so much easier to tell somebody what you know. But I have never forgotten his example. I hope I never do.

There was another time, I watched a thoughtful debate occurring between two well-educated individuals. I didn’t know one of them, but the other was a person I had been around for a long time and admired. What struck me was my friend was taking a position I didn’t think he believed in, and I know he was pushing the other person to vigorously educate him about something he absolutely disagreed with. He did this with no emotion, methodically trying to convey his thoughts, while intently trying to understand his colleague’s position. After it was over, I couldn’t help but ask what he was doing. Seemed odd to me, he invested so much energy on a subject he didn’t care for with a person he didn’t agree with. His answer was brilliant, “the best way to learn is to seek to understand things I don’t know about nor agree with. If all I do is try to find evidence to support what I know, I am not getting any smarter.”

His commitment to learning meant he was willing to get uncomfortable to find out more about a subject or a perspective. Not an easy thing to do, and a skill that seems to be fading. It’s obviously difficult to follow this path to learning. It isn’t a weakness; it just seems hard to slow down and engage with someone you don’t agree with and not let human emotions get in the way. However, maybe there is an alternative approach. I have a friend who enjoys reading articles and books written from a point of view he doesn’t like. He says it is interesting for him to expose himself to something outside of his wheelhouse. He told me he isn’t looking to find ways to see how others are wrong but is trying to understand why they believe what they believe. That makes sense to me, and I have been thinking a lot about how to broaden what I read and consume. It isn’t easy; the accepted thinking is that everyone is so biased and what information is produced is difficult to trust. That is likely true, but I don’t think it is a good excuse for bunkering down and not peering out to see how others live or think.

I often wonder what if the CEO I witnessed, pontificating to those around him, had been a little more honest. How would the students have reacted? What if had said there is no secret; there is a lifetime of learning and you’re about to embark on that. What if he had sought to engage them with questions? I imagine the students would have appreciated it more. It is overwhelming to be young and ambitious and to fear there is some secret bottle somewhere, that you haven’t found, that holds the key to all you want; it seems unachievable and hopeless. It would be better to know that each of us carve our own path. Some people spend a lifetime trying to grow, to expand their appreciation of the world, and to find their path to what they want to be. Others get comfortable believing what they believe in and limiting what they expose themselves to. It doesn’t feel like there is a right answer. Each person must chart their own journey.

As I said, I don’t like this question. Fortunately, I don’t get asked it much. But when I do, I hope I can convey the gift that is the willingness to learn and be vulnerable. I think the next generation needs more from us than what we are giving them. I fear we are tamping down the desire and ability to gain knowledge through anything other than the echo chamber that surrounds most of us. It feels like we are smothering ourselves instead of growing. We must do better. The answer must be better.